I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
