i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
