so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
