I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
