Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
