I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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