Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
