Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
