Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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