Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
