Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
