I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize