my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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