I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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