I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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