Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
