We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
