There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
