it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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