I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
