Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
