Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
