i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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