Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
