I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Drunk is a universal language darling
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
