I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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