i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
