What did we do last night that was yellow?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
