This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize