roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
