My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
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Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
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