im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
