8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
