The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
