i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
