i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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