OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
