he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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