my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my liver is dry heaving
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize