she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
