I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
