Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
