My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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