to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
