Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
