Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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