Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
