Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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