I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
