They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
