If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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