Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
