I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
