Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
