omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
