Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
