in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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