He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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