You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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