So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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