is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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