Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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