I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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