she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Still dying that you shit outside
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
