you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
