I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
