that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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