When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
