The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
