Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
