dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
