I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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