the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Pants are for mortals
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
