Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
