anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
